Today I woke up at 1pm pacific time, with my mind wondering what happen to a love that was promise to me. I never got a response, and I have a feeling she has been avoiding me. I guess she came to a conclusion that she would fall on the same behavior of ignoring me. I hate being ignored, especially when I’m in right close to someone. Though I get carried away because of my intensity of wishing to be with someone. The feeling of holding someone is only in memory because of such a long period of time that had passed since the last time. I just simply wanted to be with her but it never happened.
I lament of pushing it to see her though, but I knew I wasn’t going to return again for a while. She knew I wasn’t going to return, and I guess that knowledge was the factor that made her retreat. I miss her, but I guess she is doing a smart thing to push me away. I knew somehow that she won’t be able to maintain sanity with me 3000 miles away. So now I just look ahead and work hard to get that open time for anyone who wants me intensely.
Now though temporarily, I will withhold my feelings from my boston heart and face forward with new ventures. The new ventures are something more to see potential. Again, I feel alone, especially when I’ve been pushed away from all communication. So I seek companionship via some form of communication but I get non because of her hard feelings for me. Of course I do have friends here where I can convey my feelings too, but I need intimacy that I so much miss. The silent treatment only hurts so much, and I’m forced to look somewhere else if I have no resolve in a certain amount of time. That’s why it hurts so much that my boston heart disrupted me.
– g –