What’s NOW and not the past mind of my heart

walkingON_carpetOkay, 1 month after the suppose “mental wormhole” ride of this particular friend who I had a crush on, is now officially over. After a month of madness, I reflected that there is no right direction if I conceited with trying to pursue this individual.  It’s like a 12 year old kid who is knowledgeable about everything, except knowing what to do with so much knowledge.  Of course is hard to follow in the right foot steps in this life, thus as an intelligent being you make mistakes to get on the right path.  Sometimes even if the person knows all the answers, they too can fail in life. This individual who’s name is “SHE” (coding for my own understanding at a later time), showed me that her heart guides her than her mind.  Even though “SHE” masks her intentions logically, her heart is what sets her way.

Now, I’m done with all of that.  “SHE” has to many on her plate to even bother anyways.  Maybe in another occasion, but not now.  She is a sweet heart within all of that barbwire she carries in the surface, and soon life will really hit her and make her realize how that a negative mind can only carry her into a way that she didn’t desire at all.  Everyone sees her from an outside bubble, even one who has a say in the matter.  Even with my “Z” friend who HAS a say in the matter, has run out of patience with this person.  I blame her ignorance and fear for this situation.  I tried to just talk, but only action can only cover this.  Being polite with this individual is equal to hitting one self on the wall.

So now that is out of the way, let me clear up another thing.  My heart again is shut tight.  I don’t accept anyone right at this moment to enter.  Only live eyes can have an effect through my eyes.  My mind is shut away from the myth of hope that the internet proposes to me.  I have done it before, and that many times just lingers in my heart.  Women tend to change there opinion from night to day, especially when they just dream about that one person.  It happen to me, and even when I put my life to it, I fall on a false promise.  So the only way is if I see you, a one way connection to communicating all that equals an eternity of myspace/facebook messages into 1 hour discussion.  A phone call is much more effective in those respects than just messaging through for me because I can sense the tone of voice.  Yet because I’m a visual person, I have to see the individual body movements to comprehend better.

So that’s my two sense of how I feel right NOW.  It’s unfortunate that there are hearts out there who are broken without me even speaking.  That’s another note, if one was matured and had a connection and knew how to convey through the mediums, that would tell me a whole lot.  But yeah, that’s my in-depth view of the mind of my heart.


About Gerardo Valerio

I'm Gerardo J Valerio, a freelancer in graphic design and currently a game designer. My aspirations are to have my creative works to be known throughout the interwebs. I'm right now venturing into independent game development and hopefully be successful at it. I'm also a crohn disease sufferer but advocate to find solutions against it. I live in Boston but my second home will always be San Francisco. I'm hopeful one day to return to the bay area and share my knowledge to enthusiastic folks who are curious about me. Also, my blog is the center piece of my expressions. I have always used it to communicate my feelings and artistry. Now more than ever before I will be posting new features and behind the scenes development of my quest to be a game designer. - g -
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