And I’m not really enjoying it.
Okay I’m starting to enjoy it now. Just the start of it I wasn’t so pleasant at work. Let’s see what happens until August…
Hey Folks, how’s it going?
I didn’t update what has transpired the last two months. Well what basically happened is that my Animation Club members failed to finish their respective projects (Blue Vs Red team), and both forfeit their awards. So to compensate them for their efforts, I spend my whole paycheck to get them gift cards. I also brought in my Wii U to play Smash Bros and made a Tourney to get them to win bonus cash for helping out and putting effort into the club. But in between all of this, my emotionally driven self to get pass through it all was something rather not so good. Since I believe in many different spiritual things, one of the aspects of the time between May 14 – June 21st is the infamous retrograde that happens. In this period, lots of energy just shocks everyone. If it wasn’t for work, I would have basically been in paradise on a creative streak building my own. In this time my creative juices are flowing and that was the hardest part to control from everything else as responsibility comes a knockin.
In combination with my creative wants, the conceptual responsibilities to make stuff at work is what had me stuck and in conflict. Is me creating my own game project versus creating the yearbook for my boss, beside other things. This is majorly the reason why I haven’t even the energy to write it on the blog as it takes so much energy to correctly express myself in it. The reason behind it is this war that was going on – simply what I want versus what I am obliged to do. June came, and my boss went into overdrive with the yearbook. Since I’m very relax about the situation, it literally created a conflict. How so? Well because I projected myself as if I didn’t care. I did, I just didn’t let it bother me. Since I’m only volunteering as well, the pay doesn’t give me any incentive to try harder or be as pushy to begin with. Instead, my plans were to hack it accordingly without any real emotional investment towards work and use what I’m gaining to supplement my side projects instead.
This whole ordeal was just pushed hard by my boss for no real sense to get sick over it. The whole yearbook work was suppose to be done by Senior students who were graduating. It also has to be a committee to specialize on it, not me nor my co-workers. So it was simply a drag to interface with such thing while doing the real stuff like teaching. I realize that my overtime work wasn’t really going to be looked back on nor acknowledged for it. This also affected my focus on the animation club students progress, as I was being the foreman to getting my team stuff done. Sadly May 26 came and went, and no goals were ever accomplished by the assigned teams.
Since April school break, I picked up Unity, a game engine if didn’t know, and I went through that application like a thunderstorm. I have learned so much using it, and this started to divide me from work since I went deeper with it. I wanted to integrate it with my lesson plans, but that got messed up as focus went into animation instead. I just feel, even though I have “freedom” to choose what to do, I just really am in the mercy of what the bos really wants, in which most of it isn’t clear when I’m asked what I want to do. The yearbook stuff simply was a headache and that took so much out of me in respects of what I should have been doing – teaching.
I really love teaching kids technology, It just that – it takes so much to create something comprehensive for students, WHO ARE WILLING mind you, to learn useful technology tricks. Most often the students just don’t have the attitude for it, and simply cruise out without caring. This is disheartening for me because I’m so hyped about what I love to share, and I get slammed down and perplexed. But my bitching won’t do much, but I did learn how to connect with a few students while I was at it. I just feel drained by all of it. It’s definitely not college that’s for sure and also it isn’t a program where real organic students want to go and learn as it is mostly sugar coated on to them to learn these things. So since it’s the end of the school year, I just feel dead with it all. I don’t even care about grammar in this post – that’s how much I feel right now.
Now It’s the 4th of july, and I have so much to share – but I’m so out of juice. Last night I was at it again rigging a character through a “shortcut” plugin in Maya to process these things faster, yet the weight painting part of the whole thing is draining. It also makes me realize that I have to start over when I find an imperfection in the rig setup. I just hope in the future there is a better solution to getting 3D characters pass this so tedious part of the process. UPDATE: There is a solution, just that I need to update the 3d editor program. lol
So after it all now, starting on Monday, the summer program – Teen TV – is going to hack at my time by 60% to 90%, and I know for sure it’s going to get under my skin. The wants, my ego, is going to be pissed if I don’t have time to create characters for my shit. I’m so obsessed, so passionate, to getting my damn fucking project going, that I will show it through energy and motivation. I might even sound selfish, but that is the truth, as this is what I have been striving for the longest time and feel stuck about it now.
I need my project to go on and be done with.
Thus I’m tired of people taking advantage of me with so little pay. I don’t have time for that. I need to survive, so when I put my overtime – my heart and soul, I expect to be respected and get a mutual exchange with what I need to grow and advance. I’m just not feeling the whole education thing anymore. I feel everything is rigged and it sucks.
I need a vacation.