As my moral is low of this weekend’s business scenario, waking up today not feeling well. Thinking of my dreams that I had this past night (which is many) the one focus was survival. I don’t know but after I saw the movie “I am Legend” something about it I took with me. Now my dreams feel like there is no hope to look forward to things. More so I know its the media running my mind with back to back negative “oh its the end of the world” events on TV. I don’t know why I see that instead of the good stuff but that’s why I turn off the TV so I don’t need to collect those images in my mind.

But see that’s where I feel so low today is for the fact I don’t step out of this small sandbox of mine. Everyday is the same because I make the choice to let it be. Now more than ever so I feel the burn of not going to work and blanking out my mind in labor. My job is spotty and random with the schedule so I need to wait a long time before my next turn to go to work. I love the job but its just not enough time given to me in this season so it leaves me feeling like I’m lost here. So in the meantime I work with my team members furiously to produce something else that will give us income. That is where my doubt lies.

My doubt now is that how is the experiment gonna work after we had a very bad system breakdown? We thought that everything was smooth until I noticed the aggressive behaviors of everyone of my comrades with the system. That shocked me because everything was smooth sailing until this past week where the main source of all of this pulled the plug at the last moment. That’s where the mystery of the problem lies for me. “How? Why?” I ask to myself, so I went to look for the answers. It seems that part due to the involuntarily abusive behaviors of the team members that worked with the experiment of the system caused a complete breakdown of what we were working for. That all means that we won’t be having that extra income fast because of our behaviors of constructing the site itself. Now there is a second chance but that is our last chance. I will only risk it if everything is working according to my conditions and that’s where I have doubt. My account was created to be used 100% legit with the rules and conditions of the system that is helping me to grow. Its not dependency but more a review of what the fuck we did that broke the system before.

That’s now another question in my mind which is, “How is a broken website gonna work if we keep pressing buttons at it? Working to make it better as the intention may be but instead harming our objective?” so I hold my account until I get completely briefed and educated on how to do it right with optimum results.

So how is this all gonna work if I don’t get the site fixed 100% and my moral so low it can just break my confidence about doing all of this in the first place?

– g –