Today I woke up at 1pm pacific time, with my mind wondering what happen to a love that was promise to me.  I never got a response, and I have a feeling she has been avoiding me.  I guess she came to a conclusion that she would fall on the same behavior of ignoring me.  I hate being ignored, especially when I’m in right close to someone.  Though I get carried away because of my intensity of wishing to be with someone.  The feeling of holding someone is only in memory because of such a long period of time that had passed since the last time.  I just simply wanted to be with her but it never happened.

I lament of pushing it to see her though, but I knew I wasn’t going to return again for a while.  She knew I wasn’t going to return, and I guess that knowledge was the factor that made her retreat.  I miss her, but I guess she is doing a smart thing to push me away.   I knew somehow that she won’t be able to maintain sanity with me 3000 miles away.  So now I just look ahead and work hard to get that open time for anyone who wants me intensely.

Now though temporarily, I will withhold my feelings from my boston heart and face forward with new ventures.  The new ventures are something more to see potential.  Again, I feel alone, especially when I’ve been pushed away from all communication.  So I seek companionship via some form of communication but I get non because of her hard feelings for me.  Of course I do have friends here where I can convey my feelings too, but I need intimacy that I so much miss.  The silent treatment only hurts so much, and I’m forced to look somewhere else if I have no resolve in a certain amount of time.  That’s why it hurts so much that my boston heart disrupted me.


– g –