It did with mine.
I was looking through images, casting them away in archive files so I won’t see them again. Shuffling through them with a combination of pacing and emotionally expelling all that my own ego has to extract – I realized something peculiar.
There was a dream last year, before February 2014, that I had with said picture someone passed my way. It was a mystery personal story, but once I saw it, I cast it away since my ego didn’t want to realize there was any other competition out there to think about. I never knew that one conversation about past relationships would surface once more. Like anything in life, history repeats itself by wearing a new suit.
So, that story was foretold before the mess that had happen this past weekend. I express my heart to someone, as I asked permission the year before that I was going to commit to such surprise. Of course, everyone forgets – regardless of such events being in the past anyway, SO! I did took the moment to clear my self and smoke out the truth. It was well worth it, because it was truly pending and really pushing my buttons when it came to why certain things just didn’t click. Afterwards, Sunday night, Monday morning chimed in and I got a unexpected, yet expected text.
Such thing started a fire that I didn’t anticipate to happen right when I was going to sleep. I won’t divulge any fine detail but generally it was a predicted expression from a person who I know dear. It was a disappointing and angry one at that. My goal wasn’t to get her upset, yet I did. It was already predicted that it would happen. I saw it in my dreams, and my patience was running dry to get it off my chest already. I knew it was a 99% no, and a 1% yes. I still tried, and I don’t regret it. I do regret though that I should have waited more, but I have already for a year and my heart could not bear the hold up much longer, so the day of my confession, I re-confessed but absently.
What I’m talking about is my re-affirming confession of love, but what I didn’t realize it was a written script by my own creation to act into the play. Sounds confusing no? Well, see here – My schemes act out from my dreams, in a bit out as a foggy psychic forecast for me, but enough to work with and be sure about certain decisions. It plays out much more when there is a person who has an unique energy field. It even gets much more crazy when it becomes a main target of affection, as I try to perceive stuff that is only “made up” in the mind. Mind you, the mind is what process and recreates one’s own reality.
So my reality, as it turned out, projected a future. Since 2011, this reality was born from an ego bet, where I created a deadline for certain people’s reaction time process in a screening that I would do to find someone who will keep their promises. In this, there were 4 participants. 2 Superseded over the 4, and then it went down to 1. That one is the final one, the said person I’m talking about in this story. This person though originally failed my screening, so I gave it a second chance since she had reasons, but even then – she was never fated to be with me to begin with, as she never changed her true character that made her fail in the beginning, but I favored her.
This in part is not directly her fault, but how her destiny has placed her in. Regardless of time, as the 4 years already shown, never once she shifted into a balance of work and life, as she struggled beyond anyone I have ever met by going through so many crazy things. There were key moments of change to occur, but it always recreated a vortex where something happen in that it would spin her out of control. So the main chain of action that she has to keep is to remain in control. This means work and keep busy, never give another person a chance to take her away. Even a significant other forced her to quit her job by force, on the weekends, just because she did over do it (but mainly that significant other acted on her own ego). So any little thing that kicks her control out of it, she would transform into a demon and engulf it back into her own order. This means cutting people who even tries or shows even one hair of such disturbance. Scary indeed.
So going back to the midnight mess, there after the texts was a messy phone tag. I call, she calls. I pick up, she tries to talk but just noise happens. I talk and she hangs up and calls again. Then a mysterious second number…. “What’s going on?!” I say, so I try to call by that second number, and more noise! I hang up, try again, goes into voice. I call her phone, I leave a message, and then I gave up and went to sleep, but I couldn’t. I got up an hour later and wrote an upset “final” email letter, but 3 days after I’m not done. There are so many questions rattling in my head until tonight….. that picture! The one she texted, was in my dreams before she even texted it this past weekend!
Of course I go through a rainbow of emotions, but finally my head clears up and figured out that in such a picture, it was the same one she showed me once before. It was him, that I dreamed she finally got to talk to again. This will finally get her into another phase in her life, the real change, a very happy one, that came about in my dream in which will become true, I hope. Everything she wanted in the dream, happened. Everything seemed to reconstruct into a normal that was waiting for her since I met her. Pure peace and growth, what she wished for so long. What I can never offer her, he will. And I was in the way of things, letting my ego reign. That’s why I have to stick to my promise and never contact her again, or I will damage her way out of this damn cycle that she needs to come out from. She needs him, and I can’t be there anymore, not in this process I said. One thing is that I’m not a demon, and even if I was born one, I would never trespass another just for the hell of it, thus I need to reform and high tail it out before I ruin it for everyone. Another thing is that I used to be a destroyer, but I like creating instead, as she made me realize that in which why I’m in her debt. But I realize now that this opportunity is what she needs before anything in her entire life, and a second person who will hold her strong will. Thus that ends this story, or until her genesis finally formulates into a new world to share later, who knows? My dreams were inaccurate before, but strangely I feel this is it.
So with that said, I wish her good will and everything awesome that this great chance will offer. Therefore, hasta luego. 🙂
– g –