Gerardo’s Adventures

First I have to say it’s been AWESOME.

The past 30 days of this month has been totally awesome.  Hell so much I finally got some time this morning to type in what I feel about this month in general.  I’m without words.  It’s been a very fresh cool transition in for the new year of 2010.  I can’t even believe it’s already a new decade.  I’m glad though that everything started nicely.  Even in school, things are adjusting to where its safe.  Like for instance; There is no  point where I can’t handle a problem.  Even if it’s financial, it’s always solvable.  Though I know I’ve been playing with fire lately.  I have to start being safe or I’ll be in trouble soon.

Anyways, I’ve been hanging around with someone very special.  I feel like I got lucky this time with this person. Totally out of left field, and unsuspecting!  This person is a total blessing. Obviously it’s a person who I’m dating.  I can only say it’s been a ball being with this person.  I have very minimal complaints about her, and she hasn’t really shown me anything that would be troubling at all. I do try to see if I can find someone else, but I haven’t yet.  Oh man She brings little bits to the table where no one really can’t compete with.  I mean, she is “the” package that is like a computer system - where you find little neat features that you never expect it to have.  It makes me feel very fulfilling about this individual because she has many qualities that is hard not to see.

Though IF I was with my own mind 2 years ago, I wouldn’t have open it enough to try and see the beauty inside this person.  Granted she kisses like an angel, and ideally regardless what she ate or whatever - her lips always taste like blissful sweet milky vanilla lite cream. It’s the same expression as was my old heart Aleja, in where she too had the same kiss sensation.  I mean wow, and what adds to this is her kind nature.  Never rude or sassy, she gives out such a sweet and shy tone to her very being - It’s very pleasing in contrast with other girls who I fell for in the past.  Hell the best thing actually is that she falls on signs that really demonstrate how cool she is with my own.  Not a rabbit, nor a pig.  Not a rat, nor a monkey.  She is right with Dragon, so pleasing and has this quality that I see with all my dragons that I know of.  I though try not to follow such thing but damn!  It comes so close on how the shoe fits so much better.

Now I am afraid if in the end, I might not truly fall for her completely.  I have to see out time, and go beyond the physical.  She is such a smart and powerful person that is enough to radiate her beauty.  And nothing really is perfect in this world, or in the States when it comes to a real true person with all the qualities.  I have to admit truly that her looks really just doesn’t cut it for me BUT because of her personality - truly is the most beautiful aspect of her being. Truly and entirely making her very attractive with that aspect.  She does though have very nice hazel eyes that traps me with her gaze.  The other thing too is I just can’t complain, she has the physique enough to drive me crazy in bed to tell you the truth.

So really she has enough to make me wonder physically and she is complete in her personality.  I love it!  Even her self-esteem is grandiose.  I never see her fall with what she looks.  I love it so because actually that gives me more of an impression about how secure she is regardless of what the media says.  And I’m glad too, because she does have that wife-y feeling to her - making me more attached and incline to think that maybe I could choose one day of making her my only one. There is great potential there.  I do want more time to spend with her and unlock other little bits of her before deciding to stick around as a couple.

Right now we are just seeing each others points.  You can say, the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Her more than I, which I have to admit.  Which basically I’m just waiting until I can get her pass that point of view, and clearly see if I am eligible to be her boyfriend. I am really trying to now show her my real side, and hopefully after her “daze” with me she can see clearly.  IF though I drop down to feeling dragged out, then I’ll have to call out and cancel the whole thing.    I don’t want her to feel I’m using her in any matter cause even I do feel for her more as a friend than anything else.  That’s if the case my view changes from lover to friend.  It is that case in which I’m waiting for her to go on and check out the “set floor plan” out from her in-love blinds that she has on.

So thus we wait and see what happens next.  I’m just pointing out the settings on this thing so for you to have a better understanding of what is to come or to see.  So far she has been surprising me, and wow, it feels so good! XD

- g -

Boy, it’s been such a long time since my last entry.

Hi all!

I think I forgot how to write a well structured paragraph.  It’s been AGES since my last write up in on ANYTHING that I just don’t know.  Well, things have changed a whole lot. For starters, I have new roommates.  Karan, carlos, and Mike - all whom are pretty chill.  The new quarter started with a nice welcome with these folks.  Carlos being the party freak, but he is chill most of the day.  Mike is the alpha dog, who likes to take charge but at the same time likes to observe to know what he is working with.  Karan is the one that I share my room with.  He is very cool, likes to smoke a lot though lol.  Karan usually is working hard at his assignments but feels overwhelmed with the studies in this school so he gets his kicks with smoking some chronic from time to time.

So all 3 characters work very spontaneously, doing their own thing most of the time.  Since our first meet up, we’ve been connecting very well.  Mike though, sometimes brings out his alpha-ness to control things in his way at times.  Though mike learned how to work with us all and things are good.  Now besides all of that, my laptop failed.  That was 2 months ago actually, but thanks to it failing it coincided with getting my new equipment!  I thought I was gonna have my laptop in hand to work with my new setup, but I guess that won’t happen now.    Though I’m happy that I have my new setup now.  I installed all the software needed and it’s super fast!  Quad Core i7 @ 2.66GHz per core!  With 9GB of RAM and 1 TB of Hard Drive space.  1GB Video memory and 64Bit Vista (which is incredibly fast and versatile).

After my feverish month on my new system, I’m back doing serious discoveries on what I can and not do.  I discovered I can now make HD videos and 3D animations with Maya and 3Ds Max!  Render of course takes too long with all option sets on, so I take my work to the school and render them there. This is all possible because the school has all computers hooked up in one network, so I can do an instant network render - which I can produce really impressive stuff!  So I’m managing now a side project that I’ll contribute to work on the next year with a friend.

Now other than that School has been a bit smoother this quarter.  I got to chill and hang out with friends.  I got to go to many different parties thanks to carlos, and of course the biggest party was the Halloween party at sunset district with my friend Zip and Glen.  I got very popular thanks to my camera.  All types of connections I grabbed with so many from all around town (even outside of town!).

That was all beautiful but that particular night I didn’t sleep for the cause of my friend zip warning me not to.  Though as you see, someone got penalized for it.  I was happy that I never really did fall asleep but managed to walk back home and rest the whole day off. That weekend was intense! Previously as well I had another party that got wasted so bad that I couldn’t get up to go to the Halloween party.

November came in after all that madness, and parties were not over just yet.  From all the booze I drank this month alone, I think my system would need to rest for the next YEAR!  Now I didn’t see the holidays as a factor, so I have to embrace my fall holiday season.  Christmas and New years are coming, and parties in-between will set me back a bit physically.  I tell you, I never have really went so crazy as this quarter set me up to do! XD  Every weekend there is a party going on, and now I have a new party coming next weekend which is the underwear party.

… Mama mia.

There is so much going on here, I can’t write it all up.  Just brief points because there is so much information.  Though I have three more highlights to add in my blog.  First is the video game highlight, New Super Mario Bros. Wii - A game that brings nothing new to the table but multi-player mario platforming.  A great game to waste time on besides all the partying.  I got four players actually running all at the same time in that game, which is a wild feat to even do.  It’s so much fun, but don’t try it when you’re stoned with magic cookies.

The second highlight hits the heart - Melissa and my other girls who want me.  Melissa, my beautiful lady, she wants me to move back to Boston. Obviously of course I can’t, but soon I will go back home and settle.  Now that’s the problem, other women want to try me out here in the west coast.  There is this young lady in the Philippines that is thinking of me and only holds me tight with the hope to be with me as well.  If only I had a plane ticket or a plane to fly over there then the possibility wouldn’t be so low.  She is pretty, much more than my first filipina girl who I traditionally dated.  Though the trouble here lies with her cousin having difficulty with that idea.  Her cousin wants to be with me as well, but unfortunately her choice affects my brother.  I only say it’s all about time and place.  WE all have to meet up sometime in the near future so things can settle down and clear up.

That’s why my real feelings are staying with Melissa.  Melissa is the only one really that I’m thinking so thoroughly about right now.  12 years since I first met her and started talking to her.  That’s a lot, and she has matured and formed to what I wasn’t expecting to be that very soul match.  Pretty much I won’t be bored with her at all, only if I get way to many arguments and disagreements but I don’t see that at all.  Now I’m forgetting that one person in Seattle WA.  She’s been wanting me for the longest time as well.  Stephenie, is one hot blond but her style sometimes scares me a little.  She is super cool, and her talks over the phone sparks intrigue and curiosity in the conversation.  Though her tastes goes beyond me, and some other little things that can trip me up with it.  Again, she has the shape and form that I love in a women physically, but intellectually we have different tastes that might conflict later in time.

So now I’m gonna see how I can simplify this situation.  Who I really am leaning towards now is Melissa, and she is so far away right now.   But I know eventually I’ll see her again.  I’m trying to see if I can go back to boston again but for the looks of it - with the prices getting higher that I might not get there before Christmas eve.  Though I’ll see what is gonna happen next.

Well, that’s enough.  I forgot to mention my final 3rd highlight because I really forgot what I was gonna say! Well time for me to go away now, for a little bit. lol

Laters!

—- BTW —- Youtube update! I haven’t gone to update since my laptop failed but now I have a new CAMERA! XD —–

Okay, 1 month after the suppose “mental wormhole” ride of this particular friend who I had a crush on, is now officially over. After a month of madness, I reflected that there is no right direction if I conceited with trying to pursue this individual.  It’s like a 12 year old kid who is knowledgeable about everything, except knowing what to do with so much knowledge.  Of course is hard to follow in the right foot steps in this life, thus as an intelligent being you make mistakes to get on the right path.  Sometimes even if the person knows all the answers, they too can fail in life. This individual who’s name is “SHE” (coding for my own understanding at a later time), showed me that her heart guides her than her mind.  Even though “SHE” masks her intentions logically, her heart is what sets her way.

Now, I’m done with all of that.  “SHE” has to many on her plate to even bother anyways.  Maybe in another occasion, but not now.  She is a sweet heart within all of that barbwire she carries in the surface, and soon life will really hit her and make her realize how that a negative mind can only carry her into a way that she didn’t desire at all.  Everyone sees her from an outside bubble, even one who has a say in the matter.  Even with my “Z” friend who HAS a say in the matter, has run out of patience with this person.  I blame her ignorance and fear for this situation.  I tried to just talk, but only action can only cover this.  Being polite with this individual is equal to hitting one self on the wall.

So now that is out of the way, let me clear up another thing.  My heart again is shut tight.  I don’t accept anyone right at this moment to enter.  Only live eyes can have an effect through my eyes.  My mind is shut away from the myth of hope that the internet proposes to me.  I have done it before, and that many times just lingers in my heart.  Women tend to change there opinion from night to day, especially when they just dream about that one person.  It happen to me, and even when I put my life to it, I fall on a false promise.  So the only way is if I see you, a one way connection to communicating all that equals an eternity of myspace/facebook messages into 1 hour discussion.  A phone call is much more effective in those respects than just messaging through for me because I can sense the tone of voice.  Yet because I’m a visual person, I have to see the individual body movements to comprehend better.

So that’s my two sense of how I feel right NOW.  It’s unfortunate that there are hearts out there who are broken without me even speaking.  That’s another note, if one was matured and had a connection and knew how to convey through the mediums, that would tell me a whole lot.  But yeah, that’s my in-depth view of the mind of my heart.

Later!

I have a feeling right now, that is of course bothering me.  Two good friends are going to have it a little difficult the next 4 months from now.  The thing that complicates this is that I’ve fallen for the young lady who is baring my good friend’s child. My focus here is her, the one baring my good friend’s child.  I expressed my feelings to her in an unconventional way, where I haven’t yet received any information on her thoughts about it.

The only thing now I’m expecting is a simple expression on her behalf.  Does she feel for me, or not? I don’t know, and this is killing me now.  I want her to tell me and to respond soon.  I don’t even know if she wants me to help her as well, to ride with her the rough waves that are coming this way.  I guess though is a complex battle that I shouldn’t have volunteered to step into, but I felt so compelled because of my heart calls for her.  So I’m now I’m in doubt and leaning towards being more uncaring, I guess.  Reason why is because I haven’t heard anything from her. The only thing I ask is affection.  Simple affection, that can make the whole event feel less bearing.

My promise though has conditions, these conditions simply is a streamline level of communication and affection.  What I mean about that is - to be open and let me know what is or not.  Is a simple check that I only ask for, nothing more.  If though my friend who I have feelings for doesn’t comply with those simple conditions, it will be hard for me to help.   Is because I can’t read her, and I’m just establishing a foundation.  Of course I do have feelings for her, and I confessed first so that she has the opportunity to ether embrace it or crush it before things get much more complicated.  It’s a test I compose to push away those who are simply there to just abuse my goodwill.  And many have abused my hospitality to the point that I don’t really trust until I do see affection and proof of heart.

This is simply that, and is a simple security measure to proceed to the next step.  For her I feel that she is a woman that can bear children.  She is a beautiful intelligent woman, but in case of her maturity level – still not all there.  That is why I’m willing to guide her, and give her the support that she needs.  I only say so for the reasons that she is fearful and yet to handle the situation responsibly.  I met other women who had gotten pregnant and had proceeded to do what they thought was the right choice.  One of them is Audria, who showed me that she wasn’t ready for a child, so she had an abortion.  Right now, she is doing fine, adventuring in her hometown in the wilderness of Montana!

Another Example is my Cousin Wendy, who had a still born.  She wanted the kid, but that couldn’t be, for it that it wasn’t her time yet for a second child.  The third example is a good friend of mine Vanessa from the academy of art who gave her child up for adoption.  She didn’t know what to do, and her family was against her.  So for her to be able to come back to school, she had chosen the most difficult choice.  I’ve seen mothers who after they have their child, they get so attached but realized that the responsibility is too much to bear alone.  I’ve seen mothers who actually courageously take on the task and succeed.

So a note to her, I believe in her.  This is why I have fallen for her, because she has the potential to becoming a hero.  She is my window of hope.

…. … …

Well, let us see what happens next.  I’m personally planning to end all of this complication in the next few days.  My heart will not take such abuse anymore, and by both my friends.  I want the best for them, and especially her.

-g-