… It’s no laughing matter when selfish affairs surfaces and breaks things apart from mental stresses. I was very childish and cowardly seeking attention as my anxiety attacks me. I lost two good friends who really cared from my expression. I just don’t feel to do something else from the main focus. I only wanted to set my mind on one thing, but that has led me into a really miserable place. Focusing on just one objective for so long, alone, has me being pulled into the void. Is it really worth sacrificing who I care for, for something that has been worked on for half a lifetime? Not having that person there creates an empty void and everything falls like a house of cards. He helped me so much… I let him down… I fucked up.

Now I dwell into my thoughts. It hurts. I earned it. I hate myself for it.